Derrick Bateman: The Quest For Chicks And America
by Your Boyfriend's Favorite
Summary: The Quest For Chicks and America is BACK! Now with all new crazy and insane adventures! UPDATE - Super Epic Guys Night continues, but what happens when Trent "murders" Derrick's lego friends?
1. Lady For A Day

A/N: This chapter is in Derrick's point of view.

Lady For A Day (Pilot)

Kaitlyn hangs out with AJ a lot these days. Yeah, yeah, I understand "Oh, they're women! Women need time with their friends, just like men!", but I've always wondered, what if I was a chick for a day? That would be totally cool seeing what chicks do in their spare time.

So it's settled, I went up to Kaitlyn and AJ, told them what I wanted to do, they called me retarded, and now I'm going to be a chick for a day! I can't wait!

- 2:30 pm -

So me, Kaitlyn and AJ went to go get our nails and toes done. I got a lot of dirty looks, since I'm a guy, but screw it, I'M GETTING MY NAILS AND TOES DONE. YOU MAD BRO?

Anyways, when we got out of there, my toes and nails looked like heaven. Chicks are so lucky when it comes to spa type things.

Then, we headed over to the mall. Kaitlyn and AJ gave themselves the regular "Does this make me look fat?" tone, and then they did the same for me, which was AWESOME.

I managed to get myself a cheese hat too! Everyone at work will be so jealous when they see it.

The last thing we did was go to the music store (my favorite place on EARTH!). Kaitlyn and AJ got some cd (Two Directions? Eight Directions? I don't remember what the hell it was.), while I got the cd of the best singer on earth, KATY PERRY! I mean come on, the perfect chick right there!

- 5:00pm -

We made our way to work, we were all stuck on NXT tonight. For some odd reason, everyone was laughing at me when I walked in, giving me dirty looks.

Of course, I replied with "Happy to see an NXT legend?" since almost the entire NXT roster was full of new people. They kept on laughing.

I asked Kaitlyn and AJ what was up with them, they whispered "Your nails and toes are pink". I still had no idea why they were laughing at me! They're all just jealous that I look better then them..

I mean come on, isn't pink a guy color?...It isn't?...Shit...

A/N: I know. Pretty crappy for a pilot chapter/episode/whatever. Next chapter will be better. Promise! 


	2. The Face Of Evil

A/N: This chapter is once again in Derrick's POV, I'm not sure if I'm going to keep doing POVs or not.

The Face Of Evil

Gosh, What a terrible mistake I made. Me and Johnny agreed to babysitting Maxine's child (who knows what poor man slept with her to get it). We're only doing this though because she's paying us 100 bucks each.

Me and Johnny arrived at Maxine's house hours later.

"DON'T LET HER TOUCH MY STUFF AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP HER HAPPY OR YOU WILL OWE ME. GOT IT?!" she yelled in our ears.

"Sure Maxiii." Johnny said in his odd, weirdo tone.

"Oh shut up you pervert." she hissed as she got in her car.

Me and Derrick starred at the 6 year old girl.

"What's your name?" I smiled.

"My name is Lily, FARTFACE!" she said blowing me a raspberry.

"...Weird." said Johnny as he strached his head in confusion.

"That's not very nice. You made me sad." I said frowning. She blew me another raspberry. God, what did Maxine teach this child?

"Okay, um, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"I WANT FOOD!" Lily yelled back at us.

"Sure.." I said as I searched the fridge.

Johnny sat beside Lily on the couch.

"So does Maxine like, getting weird and stuff?" he asked her.

"DUDE! SHE'S SIX!" I yelled.

"And?" he replied back to me. "I only asked if Maxine liked getting weird, 'cause like, she's good at making out and stuff." he said. I put my hand on my forehead. No wonder people don't hang around Johnny.

"You're stupid!" she hissed at Johnny.

"And you're weird." he replied to her.

I cut up some apples and put them on a plate for Lily. I handed them to her.

"Dude, where's my apples?" Johnny complained.

"OH MY GOD.." I yelled as I made my way back to the fridge.

"You guys are dumb poopyfaces!" she laughed.

"You're a dumb poopyface." replied Johnny.

"Fartface!" she hissed back.

"Dodohead!" Johnny yelled.

"DO YOU GUYS MIND?!" I yelled as I handed Johnny his apples. I whispered to him "Do you need your pacifier too!?". "If you got any, sure." he replied.

It was 5:00pm. We had spent the last couple of hours playing Go Fish (which Johnny constantly complained that the cards had no hot chicks on them). Lily was getting hungry was again, so I ordered pizza.

"What kind of pizza are you getting Lily?" I asked her.

"I WANT 5 SLICES OF CHICKEN PIZZA! I WANT IT TO BE SQUARE!" she yelled.

"The square pizzas are too expensive." I replied.

"MAXINE ALWAYS MAKES THEM MAKE IT SQUARE FOR ME!" Lily complained.

"Well you're getting normal pizza!" I yelled.

"I'LL TELL MAXINE YOU AREN'T DOING YOUR JOB!" smirked Lily.

"...Square pizza it is." I said.

"Me too please." Johnny added. I was very close to ripping the phone out of the wall. It felt like I was babysitting two children.

The pizza arrived and we all sat at the table. Lily and Johnny began to talk about their favorite princesses.

"I like Cinderella!" Lilly said as she took a bite out of her pizza.

"Pfft, Jasmine is way better. She has a nice ass.." said Johnny.

"Oh my god, LANGUAGE." I complained.

"Dude, it's Maxine's child...MAXINE'S child." Johnny replied to me.

"...True." I said as I finished off my pizza.

We played WWE 12 together. Lilly just pressed a bunch of random buttons and somehow managed to beat Johnny. Everyone was actually having fun. Maxine was on her way back, so we sat and waited for her.

"That was fun." said Johnny yawning.

Maxine came through the door.

"Hi Lily!" she smiled as Lily ran into her arms. "Did they behave?"

"...NO! THEY WERE MEAN TO ME!" snapped Lily.

"What? NO!" I yelled. She was laughing and having fun playing WWE 12, and now she's lying to Maxine to get us in trouble!

"I KNEW YOU GUYS COULDN'T HANDLE A SIMPLE JOB. OUT!" yelled Maxine.

We we're taken outside Maxine's door and she slammed it shut. I began to bang my head against the wall a couple of times.

Johnny looked at me for a second.

"...Weird." 


	3. Derrick Shamwow Bateman

A/N: This chapter isn't in Derrick's POV. Derp.

Derrick and Kaitlyn headed to the dollar store. Kaitlyn wanted to get something for AJ's birthday which was the following week.

"Woah, what's that?" Derrick asked Kaitlyn.

"Oh, it's that stupid Shamwow thing. It's no use to you." she said.

"BUY ME ONE, I WANNA SEE WHAT IT DOES, BUY ME ONE, BUY ME ONE." repeated Derrick.

"Ugh, fine." groaned Kaitlyn. Derrick has the tendency to buy something whenever he went shopping with Kaitlyn.

They made their way home, and Derrick tested it out.

"WOAH, THE TV LOOKS BRAND NEW!" he shouted. "THIS THING IS AMAZING!"

"It's just a wipe.." said Kaitlyn.

"NO, IT'S MORE THEN A WIPE, IT'S SHAMWOW!" he said emphasising the last word.

"You need mental help."

A couple of hours later, Kaitlyn and Derrick went out with Raquel and Paige to Mcdonald's. Derrick slammed his Shamwow on the table.

"THIS, THIS THING IS AMAZING." he said.

"Um, what is it?" said Paige with her deep, english accent.

"IT'S THE SHAMWOW!" said Derrick.

"Like, Derrick, those things are stupid and pathetic!" said Raquel.

"AND YOUR HAIR ISN'T REAL!" yelled Derrick. People began to stare.

"LIKE, MY HAIR IS 100% REAL, THANK YOU!" yelled Raquel.

"BUT YOUR NAILS AREN'T!" complained Derrick.

"YOU'RE JEALOUS OF ME!" Raquel snapped. By this point, the entire resturant was staring.

"WHY WOULD A BE JEALOUS OF SOMEONE FAKE LIKE YOU!" Derrick yelled.

"I'M THE ULTRA DIVA!"

"I'M AMERICA'S HERO!"

"I'M THE ALPHA FEMALE!"

"I OWN A SHAMWOW!"

Raquel sat down silently in her seat and didn't talk for the rest of the time.

Derrick used the shamwow for a number of weeks, just until Kaitlyn snapped.

"I can't believe you." said Kaitlyn.

"Well she said I cheated in bingo so I smacked her with it, she got what was coming to her!" yelled. Derrick.

"You have become obsessed with that thing. Give me it!" said Kaitlyn trying to rip it out of his hand.

"NO, MINE!" yelled Derrick. They tugged on it so hard that it ripped in half.

"...I need to go vent on my blog." cried Derrick.

"Oh come on!" yelled Kaitlyn.

Derrick stayed in his room for a little while, but returned in his living room, to see some of his friends there.

"Derrick, this is your intervention." said Kaitlyn.

"HECK NO, GET THE CAMERAS AWAY." said Derrick pushing Johnny's camera on the ground.

"He must have not gotten weird in a while." whispered Johnny to Paige. Paige shifted her chair away from Johnny.

AJ blocked the door, and Zack blocked the other one.

"Bro, come on, we're only doing this because you're turning into AJ." Zack told Derrick.

"Hey!" said AJ.

"Fine, I'll sit down." said Derrick taking a seat.

"Who wants to go first?" asked Paige.

"I will." said Johnny taking out a crumpled ball of paper from his jacket.

"Derrick, we've known each other for a long time, and like, you were even nice enough to give me your sloppy seconds." Johnny said.

"I mean come on now, I'm like, weird, but Maxine, is just too weird." he continued.

"She might be good at like, getting weird and stuff, but come on."

"Like, what does this have to do with Derrick's shamwow problem?" said Raquel.

"It has nothing to do with it, I just felt like talking about how weird Maxine is." Johnny claimed. Raquel made a facepalm gesture.

"Here, let me speak." said Kaitlyn.

"Derrick, you know you have a problem. You've been addicted to this stupid shamwow thing and all it does is clean stuff. If you give up the shamwow, I'll give you my gameboy."

"BUT, BUT KAITLYN, YOU LOVE YOUR GAMEBOY." Derrick gasped.

"I know, that's why I'm giving it to you." smiled Kaitlyn.

"Aw!" said AJ.

"But ONLY, if you give up your shamwow."

Derrick thought about it for about 30 minutes.

"JUST TAKE THE FREAKING GAMEBOY BRO!" yelled Zack.

"Okay." said Derrick casually. Raquel shot another facepalm.

Everyone gave Derrick a hug, and Derrick retreated to his room to play with his new gameboy. That lasted about 2 months, when Derrick hit Johnny with it because he said that Derrick cheated while playing Goldfish. Kaitlyn took it back, and Derrick went to go vent on his blog. 


	4. Derrick Tries Out WWE MSN

**A/N: All characters belong to WWE, except Violet (Which belongs to me) and Blaze (Which belongs to Dashique). Oh, and this chapter will not be in Derrick's POV for once. BTW, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 413 VIEWS ON WHAT LIES BEYOND THE GRAVEYARD! More chapters will be released next week. Lots Of Love~**

* * *

Derrick was busy playing with his Nintendo DS, just up until Kaitlyn knocked on his apartment door.

"COMEEEEE INNNNNN." yelled Derrick.

Kaitlyn came in, set her bag onto the table, and walked into Derrick's room.

"Hey Nintendo dude." said Kaitlyn kissing Derrick on the cheek. "I gotta show you something."

"Wow, thanks alot Kaitlyn, you KILLED Mario." groaned Derrick.

"Who cares! This is better." said Kaitlyn turning on her laptop. Derrick looked at the screen to see in big letters "WWE MSN".

"WWE MSN, what the hell?" said Derrick.

"It's this new installment Vince added for WWE Superstars and Divas. Everyone's been joining it! Look!" smiled Kaitlyn opening up her profile.

"Really? Moustache_Enthusiast? Are you saying I should grow a mustache?" asked Derrick.

"No, no." laughed Kaitlyn. "It's just a username. Here, I'll give you some time to sign up, and I'll go make us some lunch."

"SHHHH, I'M MAKING MY PROFILE." Derrick said.

"Alright, alright." said Kaitlyn.

After several minutes, Derrick was finally ready to try out his WWE MSN account, with Kaitlyn's help of course.

"Okay, so sign in." said Kaitlyn.

***Chicks_America_Zumba has signed in***

"WHAT DO I DO?! HELP ME!" yelled Derrick.

"Calm down, princess." laughed Kaitlyn. "Wait for someone to come on."

***Zebra_Print_Princess has logged on***

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** I only know one guy who does Zumba and that's-...Oh no.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** ther is nuthin wrng wit zumba

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Derrick..use proper grammar, for the sake of the universe please.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** mak me

"Enjoy talking to Violet." laughed Kaitlyn.

"WAIT, VIOLET?!" yelled Derrick. "SHE'S MY ARCH NEMESIS!"

"Since when?" asked Kaitlyn.

"SHHHHHH." said Derrick.

"I guess I'll go, have fun." said Kaitlyn laughing some more.

Kaitlyn left, and Derrick stayed in his room with his new WWE MSN.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** ur dum vi

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Says the adult male who uses children's grammar.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** shut up

***Blazing has logged on***

**Blazing:** VIIOOOOOLETTTTT.

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** BLAZZEEEEEEEEEE.

**Blazing:** DERRRICCCKKKKKK.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** shut up

**Blazing:** Is he angry again?

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Yup, not surprising.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** both of you annoy me

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** At least your grammar got an upgrade.

**Blazing:** Lol

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** Look, I'm using grammer! Happy?

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** *grammar

**Blazing:** *grammar

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** OH SHUT UP!

***Forever_Dashing and Captain_Charisma have logged on***

**Captain_Charisma:** Sup everyone.

**Blazing:** Hey Christian :3

**Captain_Charisma:** Oh hey Blaze. :P

**Forever_Dashing:** Hey look, it's the chick who got drunk and slept with Jeribear last night.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** LOL

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Stfu Cody.. -_-

**Forever_Dashing:** Oh, and I heard about your little secret crush from Blazing too.

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** BLAZE!

**Blazing:** Sorry :x

**Captain_Christian:** Oh yeah, I heard it from her too.

**Blazing:** n.n

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Well you honestly, who can blame me? You're hot..

**Forever_Dashing:** Don't state the obvious sweetie.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** Lmao, someone's a little full of himself.

**Forever_Dashing:** At least I'm not the only guy at a Zumba Class.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** HEY! DON'T DISS ZUMBA!

**Blazing:** I actually like Zumba, it's fun.

**Forever_Dashing:** Well that's typical, you're a woman.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** HEY!

**Blazing:** Are you saying Zumba's for women only?

**Forever_Dashing:** What do you think? Idiot.

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** HEY! Don't call my best friend an idiot, you mirror-hogging jackass.

**Forever_Dashing**: Dashing people use mirrors daily for a reason.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** You're not Dashing sir, I am.

**Forever_Dashing:** Oh please.

**Blazing:** I think Derrick's Dashing.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** Thanks. :-D

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Maybe I should go sleep with "Jeribear" again.

**Forever_Dashing:** NO!

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** LOL!

**Captain Charisma:** And the secret's out.

**Blazing:** You're welcome.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** SHIT JUST GOT REALLL.

**Blazing:** xD

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Don't be ashamed Codybear, I'd sleep with you anyday, even if I'm drunk, and even if you are a mirror-hogging jackass. 3

**Forever_Dashing:** You mean it?

**Zebra_Print_Princess:** Duhhh. *heart*

**Forever_Dashing:** *heart*

***Zebra_Print_Princess has changed to Cody's_Next_Victim***

***Forever_Dashing has changed to Violet's_Dashing_Boyfriend***

**Cody's_Next_Victim:** Boyfriend already?...Screw it.

**Violet's_Dashing_Boyfriend:** I knew you wouldn't care.

**Blazing:** I think I should go..

**Captain_Charisma:** Yeah, me too.

**Blazing:** Call you later Captain? ;)

**Captain_Charisma:** Anytime. *heart*

**Blazing:** *heart*

***Blazing and Captain_Charisma have signed off***

**Cody's_Next_Victim:** I should get off as well.

**Violet's_Dashing_Boyfriend:** Yeah, same.

**Cody's_Next_Victim:** Bye Codyybearrr. *heart*

**Violet's_Dashing_Boyfriend:** Byeeee. *heart*

***Cody's_Next_Victim and Violet's_Dashing_Boyfriend have signed off***

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** YO! I'M ALL ALONE! NOT FAIR!

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** ...

***Durty_Curty_Likes_Burdys_And_Cheese_Curdys has logged on***

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** Johnny? Wtf is with the username?

**Durty_Curty_Likes_Burdys_And_Cheese_Curdys:** Chicks dig it.

**Chicks_America_Zumba:** Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm gonna go.

***Chicks_America_Zumba has logged off***

**Durty_Curty_Likes_Burdys_And_Cheese_Curdys:** His loss.

After hours of talking to random wrestlers, Derrick called Kaitlyn right away.

"KAITLYN, WWE MSN IS FULL OF DRUNKEN, DASHING, BLAZING, AND DURTY PEOPLE. I'M NOT GOING BACK ON UNTIL I DECIDE IF IT'S GOING TO LOWER MY IQ IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE."


	5. They See Me Rollins (andyeahtheyhating)

**A/N: Sorry I haven't been writing, busy busy busy! I'll try my hardest to keep up with the chapters..and the Kardashians (even though I can't stand them, Derrick wants me to). This is not in Derrick's POV.**

* * *

**-They See Me Rollins (and yeah, they hating.)-**

* * *

Derrick headed into the NXT building with Kaitlyn. They felt like outsiders, since there was a bunch of new people, or what Derrick calls "Newbies" that had joined months ago.

"Hey Derrick, maybe you should go chat with some people." said Kaitlyn.

"Hey Kaitlyn, maybe you should go play your gameboy and LEAVE ME ALONE!" yelled Derrick. Everyone overheard him.

"What's with you?" asked Kaitlyn.

"Look, all the regular NXT people are gone, and now, I BARELY KNOW ANYONE HERE!" Derrick said meaning to get loud so everyone could hear.

"Dude, relax." said the two-toned haired man standing behind him. It was the NXT Champion, Seth Rollins.

"..Woah. Kaitlyn, you never told me you had a brother?" asked Derrick. Kaitlyn and Seth looked at each other oddly.

"Hi Seth." said Kaitlyn casually.

"Hey." smiled Seth.

"Hands off the girlfriend, bro." Derrick said getting protective.

"Dude, I was only saying hi." said Seth.

"YEAH WELL...SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. KAITLYN, LET'S BACKPEDAL!" yelled Derrick.

"Derrick!" Kaitlyn said staying put. "Why don't you too have a little "brodate?"

"Brodate?" asked Seth.

"Easy Kait, I don't run both ways." Derrick said.

"Not THAT you idiot! I mean it as in, you two hang out with each other!" said Kaitlyn.

"...Only if he's up for it." Derrick said.

"Game on." smirked Seth.

"Good! See ya!" Kaitlyn ran away.

The two men stood silently, not knowing what to do.

"Um, read any good books lately?" asked Derrick.

"I don't have time for books." Seth said.

"Oh..." Derrick said blankly. More moments of silence came.

"Serious, I'm bored out of my mind." said Seth.

"Yeah." Derrick agreed.

"..I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

"Excuse me?" Seth laughed.

"..WWE 12.." said Derrick.

"Oh.." Seth replied.

The two of them went to one of the backstage rooms and faced each other in WWE 12, where Derrick lost numerous times.

"THIS IS RIGGED!" Derrick said throwing his controller across the room.

"Pressing a bunch of random buttons isn't a "guarenteed win" dude." laughed Seth.

"Why don't we go and play Battleship then, huh?" groaned Derrick. The two of them set up the game and began playing.

"You sunk my battleship.." Derrick said.

"You sunk my battleship, again.."

"You sunk another freaking battleship."

"I can't say I'm not surprised at this point." said Seth laughing.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Derrick.

"Someone's angry." Seth said.

"I AM ANGRY!" Derrick yelled as he threw his battleship peices at the wall.

"Maybe I should go see Kaitlyn, would that make you feel better?" smirked Seth. Derrick pounced at Seth and the two of them began brawling backstage.

After the two were done fighting, they looked like they were about to pass out, and they both sat sluggishly at the wall.

"You know Seth, you're really full of yourself, you know that?" said Derrick.

"I'd say the same for you." Seth claimed.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go play some Pokemon." Derrick said opening up his gameboy.

"..Pokemon?" asked Seth. "I like Pokemon."

Kaitlyn and Paige were hanging out for a while, and then made their way to go check on Derrick and Seth. When they got there, they were a little horrified by the sight they saw, and Paige just bursted out laughing.

Seth and Derrick were hugging and crying each other.

"I'M SORRY MAN." said Derrick. "I NEVER KNEW YOU LIKED POKEMON."

"I'M SORRY TOO." Seth said. Kaitlyn and Paige just stood there, jaws wide open, laughing.

"And Derrick said he doesn't run both ways." whispered Kaitlyn to Paige.


	6. Everyday I'm Gangnam Style

**Everyday I'm Gangnam Style**

Kaitlyn knocked on Derrick's door, but something seemed very off. She could hear him blasting music through the door. She found the hidden key under the door mat and opened the door and saw Derrick doing the "invisible horse" dance move.

"What the hell?" asked Kaitlyn.

"EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SEXY LADY!" sang Derrick.

"What are you doing?" asked Kaitlyn.

"OPPA GANGNAM STYLE!" Derrick sang once again.

"English please?" Kaitlyn wondered.

Derrick turned off the music system and went over and kissed Kaitlyn on the cheek.

"What was that for?" blushed Kaitlyn.

"You and your beautiful face." Derrick smirked.

"Are you okay?" Kaitlyn asked.

"...DO I LOOK OKAY? I WENT AROUND WORK SINGING GANGNAM STYLE TODAY AND NO ONE KNEW WHAT IT WAS, well besides Johnny, he always knows what I'm talking about." groaned Derrick.

"I'm guessing it's a song?" questioned Kaitlyn.

"Sure is, BEST SONG EVER." Derrick said.

"Well, have you ever heard of rioting?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Yeah, are you saying I should go riot?" replied Derrick.

"Not exa-"

"GREAT IDEA KAITLYN! I'M GONNA GO GET JOHNNY!" Derrick claimed.

"Already here, puppy dogs." said Johnny leaning against the wall and playing with the toothpick in his mouth.

"That was weird." Kaitlyn said.

"I know you're jealous of my toothpick, babycakes." Johnny said.

Derrick and Kaitlyn just stood there and shook their heads at Johnny.

Derrick, Kaitlyn, and Johnny began making a bunch of signs for their little "Gangnam Style" riot, and headed over to the WWE Building.

Johnny turned on his portable boombox and put on the song.

"JUST FOLLOW MY LEAGUE!" said Derrick. Derrick began doing the invisible horse, while Johnny and Kaitlyn joined in. They got plenty of looks.

"I'm totally working the horse." Johnny claimed.

"Mine is better." said Kaitlyn.

"No, mine is, sweetie."

"No.."

"Yes."

"No.."

"Yes."

"NO!" yelled a voice from afar. "I'M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!"

"Um, did you say something Johnny?" asked Kaitlyn.

"That wasn't me, pumpkin pie." Johnny said.

"Oh god, it's my old pro.." Derrick turned off the music.

The gang turned their heads to see Team Hell No, yelling at each other as usual.

"They're coming this way!" said Kaitlyn.

"Maybe they'll join us in our, r-r-r-r-riotinggg." Johnny said trying to add a cool effect to his voice.

"Just um, be cool." Derrick said trying to stay as calm as possible as he turned back on the music.

Kane and Daniel overheard the music playing.

"I...I like this song." Kane said.

"..Yeah, me too." said Daniel as they both made their way over.

Derrick, Kaitlyn, and Johnny stared at Team Hell No as they did the Gangnam Style dance. Kane looked at Daniel for moment, like he was about to walk away, but all of the sudden, Kane started bobbing his head to the music.

"What in gods name are you doing?!" complained Daniel.

"..What does it look like...I'm going...Gangnam Style." said Kane said he got in line with Derrick, Kaitlyn, and Johnny and began mimicking their moves.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!" yelled Daniel.

"...Yes." said Johnny. Daniel watched as his tag team partner danced with them.

Daniel eventually sighed to himself and gave up, as he joined Kane and everyone else in their riot.

As the day went on, more and more people joined in, such as Sheamus, AJ, Zack Ryder, even David Otunga got into it.

All of the sudden, the music stopped. Everyone turned around to see CM Punk and his manager, Paul Heyman.

"Oh no.." Derrick said. "Look, we're sorry, we'll just um, move."

Paul and CM Punk looked at each other for a moment.

"...Why the hell are we not included in this? This song is freaking awesome." said Punk putting and the music back on.

Him and Paul Heyman joined the line full of dancers. Hours later, even though everyone was in pain, they all continued to dance.

Just then, the music stopped again, and everyone turned to see the Rhodes Scholars, Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes.

"You baffoons! Take your silly dance moves and find a place where they accept masses like you, for example, Central Park!" said Damien.

"You people are pathetic, leave at once!" Cody snarled.

"Or what? Are you going to use big boy words on us?" Derrick asked. Everyone laughed.

"That, AND we're going to destory your stereo, kick you people out, and ruin your dance!" Damien said.

"...LET'S GET 'EM!" declared Derrick. Everyone was about to hurt them, just up until Damien said "STOP!".

"What?" asked Kaitlyn.

"...We'll join you, just leave us alone!" said Cody.

"...GANGNAM STYLE!" whimpered Damien.

"..Done deal." Derrick said. Damien and Cody joined in, and they actually had fun. Everyone spent the rest of the day dancing their hearts out and partying.


	7. Super Epic Guys Night

Derrick sat solemnly in Kaitlyn's apartment.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Kaitlyn.

"Can you believe it? McDonald's doesn't even do reservations!" complained Derrick.

"Fast food chains don't do reservations, Derrick.." laughed Kaitlyn.

"You think this is funny? YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!" yelled Derrick. Kaitlyn just shook her head and laughed some more.

"Pfft. Well, I can't be worrying about that tonight anyways." Derrick claimed.

"And why's that?" asked Kaitlyn. Derrick just gave her his signature "Are You Stupid" look, and Kaitlyn looked up at the calendar. There she saw the date, January 4th, circled in what appeared to be red marker, and had big letters over it that read "Guy's Night".

"Oh jeez." Kaitlyn sighed. "Every year you get overly excited about it when it's nothing special."

"NOTHING SPECIAL?!" yelled Derrick. "DO YOU NEED A HISTORY LESSON OR SOMETHING?"

Kaitlyn quickly shook her head no. She hated Derrick's pointless lectures.

"AHEM. Guys Night is a tradition that has been going on since the beginning of the Bateman ages." read Derrick from a peice of paper in his pocket.

"Bateman ages?" asked Kaitlyn.

"SHHH. I'M READING." Derrick scowled.

"Sorry, Damien Sandow.." mumbled Kaitlyn angrily.

"As I was saying before I was RUDELY interupted by the mustache enthusiast, Guys Night is the BIGGEST night of my life, and shall not be ruined by hot women, such as yourself!" Derrick pointed at Kaitlyn.

"I'll take that as a compliment." smiled Kaitlyn.

"I guess I'll call up some of my friends and see what they're up to tonight."

"Yes! You shall have fun painting your girly little fingernails and whatever chicks think is 'entertaining'.." claimed Derrick.

"You really have no life, Derrick." Kaitlyn laughed.

"Does it look like I can afford one..?" Derrick gave Kaitlyn a stupid look, as he went and prepared himself for guys night.

"Pfft. Chicks..."

* * *

It was time for the biggest event of the year. Kaitlyn had just left to go hang out with her lady friends, and Derrick had began to call up all of his guy friends.

The "invited" list consisted of Trent Baretta, Zack Ryder, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. Derrick would've invited 8 people, but he already knew Johnny would show up anyhow since you know, he's weird like that.

The group piled in as Derrick began screaming "Guys Night" like a little girl.

"Bro! This party is going to be **siiiiiickkkkkkkkk**!" exclaimed Zack.

"And better yet, I brought my tango music C.D!" Johnny said happily. Silence broke between the group.

"No wonder you don't have any friends." said Dean shaking his head.

"You're one to talk.." chuckled Seth. Even Roman began laughing.

"Shut up you old married couple!" Dean yelled.

"**GUYS**!" screamed Derrick at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS NOT THE GUYS NIGHT TRADITION!"

"THE LEADER OF GUYS NIGHT DEMANDS AN APOLOGY FROM ALL!"

"I didn't even do any-!"

"SHUT UP, STEPHEN HAWKINS!" screamed Derrick.

"...What?" Trent said being entirely confused.

"Ugh, whatever. Just stop fighting like little 5 year olds." Derrick shook his head in dissapointment.

"Sorry, sir." said Tyler.

"Now, WHO'S READY FOR GUYS NIGHT!" shouted Derrick. The guys hollered back. Let the games begin..

* * *

**Stay tuned for part 2 of Guys Night!**


	8. Super Epic Guys Night Part 2!

Derrick began to crank up the music and open some beers for the guys. Dean got in a massive arguement with Johnny about flying squrriels, and Curt was attempting to beat Roman at making the best "Yo Mama" jokes. In all honesty, Derrick didn't even know how he became friends with these people.

"Oh god no!" Zack hid behind the couch.

"What's wrong with you?" Derrick asked him.

"GIRL ALERT!"

"NO. NOOOOO!" shouted Seth. "HIT THE DECK EVERYONE!"

Everyone suddenly bolted as they tried to hide themselves behind Derrick's furniture.

"Safety first kids." Derrick said as he put on his gloves and quickly put lines below his eyes with black marker. He proceeded to tip-toe by the doorway slowly.

"What's so wrong with chicks?" asked Johnny.

"Shut up!" Dean yelled.

Derrick took a deep breath and opened the door.

"OH THE HORROR!" he shouted. There she was, the evil genius herself, Maxine.

"Sorry to intterupt your little chick night, but I'm here to pick up my eclairs." Maxine crossed her arms and gave Derrick her regular dirty look.

"Oh, right!" Derrick shouted. Maxine was always paying Kaitlyn to make her "world famous" eclairs, either because she loves them, or to face the fact that she has a TERRIBLE eclair addiction. Derrick made his way to the fridge, grabbed the box of eclairs, and handed them to Maxine.

"You have a really bad eclair addiction." Derrick told her.

"No I don't! Be quiet!" Maxine said.

"Hi Maxine." Johnny muffled who's face was implanted behind a chair.

"Ew!" said Maxine as she walked away.

"Is it safe?" asked Dean.

"Yup. RESUME!" Derrick yelled as he shut the door.

Everyone quickly got back to partying, when all of the sudden, there was a smash. I turned around and saw that Trent had accidently knocked over the whole glass cabinet, full of Derrick's lego action figures. The action figures shattered into a million little peices, and Derrick's face went from mutual, to a world of fury.

"YOU...YOU...YOU CRETIN! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" Derrick cried as he ran over to his broken, inanimate friends.

"BATMAN, SPEAK TO ME!" he yelled as he began giving Batman's shattered chest CPR. Seth shot a facepalm, while Dean tried to hold in his laughter. Johnny ran over and put his ear to Batman's chest.

"..I'm afraid he's dead, Mr. Bateman. You're gonna have to get a new one." Johnny let out a sigh.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Derrick cried. "YOU MURDERER!"

"Dude, it's freaking LEGO! You can put it back together!" Trent yelled.

"I might, but you can't put THIS back together!" Derrick pointed at where his heart was located. "I'm calling the police!"

"ARE YOU FOR REAL!?" shouted Trent.

"Oh I gotta see this!" said Curt as he and everyone else took a seat.

"Hello, is this 911?" asked Derrick. "I am dealing with a MURDERER here."

Trent groaned and cussed under his breath as everyone started laughing.

15 minutes later, the cops showed up.

"Hello sir, is everything alright?" a policeman said.

"My friends are dead!" Derrick cried.

The police tilted themselves to see Derrick's human friends. They waved at the cops and said hello.

"Um, I think your friends are just fine, sir." another cop said.

"I'm not talking about those fools, I'm talking about them!" Derrick pointed to the lego peices scattered around the floor.

The cops looked at each other, while Seth bursted out laughing in the background.

"HE MURDERED THEM!" Derrick pointed to Trent.

"Oh my god, IT'S LEGO!" Trent yelled.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to fine you for a false report." the policeman shook his head in disbelief.

"WHAT? NO!" yelled Derrick. "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

The cops handed Derrick the peice of paper with the fine on it and left. Everyone started giggling.

"ALL OF YOU. LEAVE, NOW! GUYS NIGHT IS OVER! OVER!" Derrick screamed.

Everyone dragged themselves off the couch and left, but before Trent could leave, Derrick stood in front of him.

"You got away, THIS time." Derrick shot Trent a dirty look.

"You make me sick.."

Derrick shook his head as Trent walked away from all this in laughter, and just plain out confusion... 


End file.
